Ben's Story​​
 

​In a fleeting moment of despair, on April 16, 2009, six days after

his 18th birthday, Benjamin Giovangelo chose to take his life by

hanging himself. This final act was preceded by a life filled with

struggle – predominantly social, academic and emotional.

Benjamin was a deeply loving young man; he carried a bright

light of compassion combined with a sometimes excessively

strong will.

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Benjamin had been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) early on in his life.

From the beginning he was given medication to attempt to

manage his behavior to fit him into our current education and
social systems. Due to this method, Benjamin received the message early on that

there was something wrong with him and as a result he experienced much ostracizing and bullying. As his parents, we did our best to find alternative ways to work with Ben and over the years we had learned many tools to deal with this bright, sensitive, intuitive, and energetic child.

Ben was also a child who “brain-locked”, a term used by Ross Greene, PhD, the author of “The Explosive Child.” Dr. Greene is the Director of Cognitive-Behavioral Psychology at the Clinical and Research Program in Pediatric Psychopharmacology at the Massachusetts General Hospital. This book describes “brain-lock” as the clinical and physical response to the inability of the OCD brain to process immense frustration. Brain-locking adequately describes the thousands of times when Ben would come up against situations where he couldn’t get what he wanted and acted extremely inappropriately. He would literally fight to his death in opposition to controlling forces. Those of us around him had to find creative, innovative approaches to move through whatever issues arose on a daily basis.  He wanted things to be fair and just. Whenever something came in the form of force or “power over”, he was a counter force to be reckoned with and would push back even harder.

 

It was very difficult for Ben and us as his family unit, stress-filled and intense on a daily basis, but we had made great strides by the time his 18th birthday arrived, so much so that Ben was finally making and holding onto friendships, getting better grades, and holding a job. He didn’t really care much about academics. Even though he was extremely bright, articulate and creative, studying was difficult and painful for him. His learning curves were huge but, despite that truth, he showed up at school everyday doing his best. Socially he succeeded in becoming a kid everyone loved after many years of “not fitting in.” He was on top of the world. After years of hard work overcoming indescribable odds, he had been invited by 35 of his peers to join them in a limousine ride to his 11th grade prom.

 

On April 16, 2009, Ben arrived at school with the smell of marijuana on his clothing. He was brought to the “powers that be” who proceeded to search his car where they found a small amount of marijuana and a
pipe. Ben had been using marijuana to self-medicate for some time. We and his therapist were aware of this. Marijuana did seem to be the only thing that helped his OCD symptoms – and several weeks prior to
Ben’s death, marijuana was voted decriminalized in the state of Massachusetts. Ben was very aware of this.

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The school administrators proceeded to hand over their punishment to Ben – he was given 3 days suspension, $100 fine and suspended from attending his prom. So here was this sensitive boy, who had overcome so many social obstacles, having the rug pulled out from underneath this one success in his short life - social acceptance by his peers. On the day he took his life, we believe the loss of his prom caused him to brainlock.

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The school had witnessed brain-locking in Ben just months before when they wanted to give him detention for being late. He had brain-locked on his belief that his reason for being late should have been excused. At first, the school therapist was not willing to shift the rules to accommodate Ben. After my explaining brain-locking to him, we came up with a solution that helped Ben come out of the brain-lock. He was still held accountable for his actions, but in a different way that made more sense to Ben. He was then able to shift.

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I wish on the day he died the school had paused and considered their actions. Had we met with his team collectively before handing down his sentence, I am sure Ben would still be here with us now. Instead, they made a quick decision to suspend him for three days, take away his privilege to attend his prom and send him home.

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Ben’s last message to us included the line “I just don’t see the point.” Resignation at so young an age, after 18 years of pushing against an antiquated system; and we currently have an epidemic of suicide amongst our young people. Since his death, Ben has been speaking louder than words to me, his mother. It is time to take a stand and find better ways to support these gifted, sensitive, and exceptional children.